We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
