he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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