She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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