I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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