MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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