Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....