you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived