Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.