everyone is single if you try hard enough
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
