it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
