Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.

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(574): View more from Indiana

You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.

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(530): View more from California

Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas

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(690): View more from

Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.

(1-690): View more from

Drunk, high, hungover?

(690): View more from

...I wish I had an excuse.

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