Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There are leaves in my underwear?