I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.