Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
