You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
