I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
