That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
