whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
