I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
