So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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