I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
