and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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