I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
