hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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