ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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