take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
