and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
