3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am one with the molecules
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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