3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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