My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
