You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
