I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
its liver damage thursday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
