wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
two words: eviction party
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
