dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
