Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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