well you can't waste a boner
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
