You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
