My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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