I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
