last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
