Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize