He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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