In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
