my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm passing your future prison.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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