He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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