What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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