I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
