I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
