I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
