I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
