i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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