remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
