Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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