At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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