i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
