What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
