The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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