So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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