The maid of honor just puked.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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