After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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