I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
