Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
