I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
