I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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