They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
