drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
