Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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