I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
