You're so nebulous sometimes
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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