Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
