Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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