drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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