The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
