when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
