What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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