I just pynch a tree in the face
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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