Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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