i can't believe i had my finger in that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
