I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
